We are All born for a reason; no matter How we are conceived and our lives are
filled with defining moments-life lessons we have to learn. We learn to walk, talk, read, write and eventually beccome aware of the feelings of those around us --usually at around age 4 or so (LOL). We have our first kiss, our first love, our first child. We evenutally realize our parents are aging (and so are we).
The first time we feel the flutter of a new life in our womb, the first time we lay eyes on a life we helped create was, for me one of the most profound moments of my life. I didn't understand How Much I could Love another human being until I laid eyes on my children for the very first time. I love them more than myself and I realized that I would do anything for them.
When I realized how much I love my children- this was a defining moment for me. When I realized I Could be a single parent- this was a defining moment for me.
Yesterday was also a defining moment in my life. You see, I finally got to meet other people that looked like me. Which is no big deal normally but I'm 29 -- quite a wait to be bornif you will. I cried all the way there because I knew it was going to be a hard day and quite frankly I was scared to death. When I got there I went and sat down-just anywhere and, when they brought the family in, I finally got to see my birthmother. I knew her instantly-I'd seen a picture of her-and I knew my half sister as well --there was also a very distinct family resemblance. My Aunt smiled at me as she walked past me. After the family was
seated, my Aunt called an attendant over, and then I watched the attendant come back my way calling My name.
When I realized what was happening-that I was being asked to sit with my Family-I cried. I cried as I sat down next to one of my cousins and cried, just bowed my head and sat there because I was included as a Family Member. This meant more to me than my Aunt will ever know!!! I finallypulled myself together and gave my attention to the service.
After we arrived at the graveside service my half sister came up to me and said "I thought that was you from your picture", so now I knew my birthmom had gotten my letter and the pictures of me and my sons (her first grandchildren by the way!!) that I had sent. My half sister hugged me and held my hand as we walked to the graveside. After the service we all went
back to the church for a dinner and I got to sit next to my birthmom but we really didn't know what to say to each other. She called my half brother over and proudly introduced me to him as "Amie Laverne the baby I gave up." He was very cordial-he knew about me but didn't know that we had"Found" each other. He's a Junior in college just like me but I've got 7 yrs. on him and he's quite handsome! I also got to see, but was not introduced to my youngest half sibling (he's 7). I look a lot like my birth mom and my half sister --my b'mom even commented on the resemblance between us two girls. She also introduced me to my Uncle and I got a hug from my Aunt Willie (yes Aunt Wille). I was happy that my existence was NOT kept a secret from her family. I gave
her my phone number before we left and told her we really needed to talk and to please call me.
One thing I have realized is that part of the reason we have had such a hard time communicating is my (and possibly her) fear of rejection. Overall I'd say it was a good experience-very draining but I wouldn't trade it for the
world. My birthmom informed me that my aunt who had died was the worrier, the Mother Hen of the family if you will, and had always wondered about what had happened to me. By going to her funeral I feel almost as if I got a chance to say... "see I did turn
out o.k."
Life is full of "roads not taken" and we make choices that other's might chose to judge in hindsight. Well, hindsight
is 20/20 and in hindsight, i'm sure there are a lot of things many of us would do different. But I chose the roads I took and, while there are regrets (single parenthood is no picnic!!),there are many things I would not change including taking on
the hunt for my roots.
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